Big thinks from a small statement…

Ok, first off, I was inspired to write this from something I read that stuck in my head like a familair song. I stole this from elsewhere.  I removed the author and the site from where it was pulled, simply to get the point across without any undue bias.  The important thing is the message, not the source.  I know a lot of people will immediately discount anything that comes from outside their orbit but that would be a shame in this case.  Anyhow, this is the post that set this blurb in motion:

All that being said, when I read this simple statement, it was like getting hit in the face with a shovel.  It was so obvious and yet, it completely jarred me out of my general perspective on life.

I cannot begin to estimate how many time over the last 4 decades or so that I had that exact dream of going back in time and doing something different so that my future (current) self would be a better version than what it is.

Which is nonsense of course, and a complete waste of time.   Unfortunately,  time (as we currently understand it) only moves forward.

Where this all comes from is regret.  A lifetime of “could have, should have, would have” weighs on me a little more every year.  The one good thing I can say about aging is that – for me at least – it’s easier to look back and ACCEPT our prior mistakes and not blame everyone else for our own failures. Of course, that still leaves us in the same boat as to where said mistakes led us, but there is a certain comfort in letting go of blame and accepting that you screwed up along the way. Such is life. Some lessons have to be learned the hard way, sometimes more than once, even.

The list of things I wish I could go back and change are endless – never should have quit guitar lessons when I was 10, or piano lessons when I was 14. I shouldn’t have dropped out of college. I should have had myself more “together” before getting married. I never should have sold a particular automobile or piece of gear… I should have saved more, been more responsible, pushed harder, watched less TV… you get the idea.

As it stands though, I did do all those things (or didn’t when I should have, as the case may be) and here I am, for better or worse.

I have much to be grateful for – a 35 year relationship with my wife, a great daughter, some really good long time friends that go back to my childhood. None of those things just happened, they all took effort.

So while I’ll never own a home, I’ll never have my dream Porsche 911, I’ll never be a famous musician regaling fans worldwide with my talents, and I’ll never be in a position to “retire”, my life has been OK all things considered. In some ways it’s been better than expected and frankly better than I deserve some days.

I’ve worked very hard to maintain some stability throughout the years in the face of multiple layoffs, long illnesses, seized engines I couldn’t afford to replace, “family” members with no qualms about shoving a knife in my back… And all that has left me a little stunted and out-of the loop of modern life.

And yes, we could have scrimped and saved and not taken vacations or gone to shows and lived like paupers for 10 years and maybe, just maybe we could have gotten ourselves into a house of our own. But with no stability, nothing to rely on or fall back on, I have been extremely averse to taking any risk… especially when it comes to a roof overhead for the family.

For a long time this whole situation had me livid and I blamed everything on everyone else. Bitter? Hell yes I was bitter! And that bitterness completely clouded my vision of the future. It was a lot of struggle and I’m very thankful that I’ve (mostly) put all that behind me.

But the future? I’ll be honest, I don’t think about it much. At least I try not to. I chalk this up to the fact that my life has had a touch of chaos thrown in the mix, as long back as I can remember.

And lately chaos seems to be coming for us all, like a fully loaded freight train, on rusted out tracks with a conductor that is asleep at the controls.

What is there to trust anymore? The media lies and manipulates everything. The medical profession went completely off the rails and still refuses to own up to the disaster they compounded over the last several years. Our government – on EVERY level – seems to determined to be our RULERS as opposed to our representatives and public servants. Our “food” is killing us. The banks are robbing us of what’s left after the various tax agencies get their pound of flesh AND pushing us towards “digital dollars” that will allow them to rob us even more expediently OR to simply shut us down if we become too vociferous in our displeasure at their thievery… And don’t get me started on the “legal profession”.

When this is the world we live in, is it any wonder that I don’t think much about the future?

Maybe I just think too big. There are plenty of ways to “make a difference” that fly under the radar. Just trying to be a good person and doing the right things along your path is more than a lot of people do. Maybe I won’t “change the world”, but maybe the child of one of the guys I mentored over the years will? Perhaps a kindness paid by me will get paid forward, and then paid forward again and that chain reaction with somehow change the future?

All I know is that none of us are perfect, but if we move through life thinking of others, being good people, giving to and giving back to others…Standing up for what is right and stepping in when needed, these things matter. And for what it’s worth, in my humble opinion, if we all did this, we’d all have a brighter future. We could come together as a united peoples again.

If we do that, then surely we can take care of the pesky politicians and put them back in their rightful place!

Thanks for stopping by and putting up with my babbling!